Just a random title of a song. When she didn’t reply my message, the jealousy and paranoia came rushing back to me. Oh my god. It made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve had those months away from her. But that realization came with the knowledge that I CANNOT do this again. I just can’t go through all those insecurity and misery again. I want to stop feeling sorry myself. It makes me feel pathetic. I can’t live my life for someone else. But I gave in; I picked up the phone and called her. She didn’t answer. Thankfully, I decided to put down the phone and googled “How to stop feeling jealous”. I should have done this ages ago! I had to stay abroad for 6 months to learn to stop being this foolish.
Here’s what I got:
Fully Experience the Feeling
By telling yourself not to feel jealous, you will never be able to get out of it. “What we resist persists”. But if we bring awareness into the equation and deeply understand the situation, we’ll start to eliminate the negative emotions. Allow yourself to fully feel the feeling of jealousy. By facing the emotion directly and fully experiencing it, you’ll see that the feeling will start to diminish. I have also found this experience to work with anger towards another, and fear of a situation.Find a place alone where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes, and start to feel the jealousy. Observe where that feeling is coming from? How is it reflecting in your body? Does your throat feel tight? Is it your stomach? Does your heart ache? Become the observer. It’s important to fully allow the feeling to surface. Recognize that it isn’t you, but your ego’s crave for attention in the name of survival. Keep observing, and in a few seconds you’ll see that the feeling will slowly disperse. By practicing this, “you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness. To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.”
- – Swamiji Nithyananda
Self worth comes with self appreciation and love. People who are truly comfortable and secure with themselves, rarely let jealousy get in the way. Look within, spend time with yourself, get to know the real you. Choose to focus on yourself, instead of the person you are jealous of. Use your understanding of desires and your mind to change your perception. Know that you have everything you need to be whole, happy and complete right inside of you. Know that if you feel something is missing that you can have it, you can achieve it.
Learn to trust myself and know that no matter what I find inside, I will still love myself.
Jealousy is not a sign of love, it is a sign of insecurity. Love is not controlling. When we love someone we allow them to grow independently of us because by doing so they are with us by choice, not by demand.
Faithfulness can never be proven, only disproved.
That’s it for today. COME ON I GOTTA DO THIS! I’ll be a better person. For myself.